Amelia, I hope you look back on this one day and think… IDIOT.
Why do you do this to yourself? Why is it so easy to focus on what you imagine is wrong with you? You spend so much of your energy tearing yourself down. There are millions of bitter, lonely, aimless, hurt, evil people in the world who will do that for you. You have known them. They have been schoolyard bullies. They have brought you up. Why can’t you enjoy your hard work? When will you become this person you aim to be? Will it be one more kilo lost? Or another inch of hair grown? Will it be looking as ‘good’ as the ex-girlfriends you stalk with frightening dedication? Does your self worth rest on who you bring home on a Friday (or Saturday or Sunday night)? Does any of that really mean anything? If someone doesn’t look at you the way YOU expected them to does that somehow make you less attractive, interesting or worth spending time with? If ONE day at the age of TWENTY THREE didn’t go the way you expected it to, will that change your life forever?
Even though Derek made a fool of you, by doing the last thing you EVER expected, that does not make you a fool whenever the unexpected comes your way. That IS to be expected. You will be disappointed, let down, gutted, HEARTBROKEN, hurt, infuriated and powerless. But there is a reason it’s happening now. And there’s a reason why you should embrace it when you can. Because, unlike your beloved mother, you should never reach fifty and not know what it is to have your heart split in two. It is only rational to prepare for the worst. And right now the worst is to fall in love… and have it taken away from you. So let it be taken. You’ll recover.
